How to lose a lot of weight, quickly

A word of warning though: the post below is (a little) gross.

So...

I know of a quick and effective way of losing weight. Guaranteed to work!

It's (hopefully) only available for the next few days or so, so if you want to be part of it, be quick. You'll probably end up having to take a week off work or whatever other engagements you may have but... heck, by the end of the week, there'll be a lot less of you left!

The secret is to come and let me lick you, that'll probably transfer over just enough of the virus that you'll be able to shave off weight like it's no-one's business.

Sure, you won't be able to eat much even if you tried, and you'll end up missing sleep, and you'll feel like crying come evening, but... heck there'll be less of you left!

Call it a Maria Method, renowned for its effectiveness and feared for its intensity. Hah!

PS. Told you it's gross.

PPS. Please be over, please be over, please be over.

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