Saturday evening labour musings

I'm tired - that Saturday evening sort of tired. You know the sort?

Washing's been dealt to, a pile of garden rubbish has been burned off, house has been tidied and warmed through and now I am sitting on a sofa, legs stretched out in front of me, and... phew. It's that Saturday evening sort of sitting - the sort where Sunday is still ahead and The Dog is stretched out on the carpet in front of me and it's... quiet. And nice.

That sort of Saturday evening tired.

I feel like I want to write down a few thoughts on the upcoming birth, but on the other hand I am not so sure what I want to say here because... I'm not really anxious enough. It's not bugging me.

Sure, several other things with this pregnancy have been bugging me and I have duly been letting my steam out in this space right here - you've probably noticed - but when it comes to this upcoming birth, it's somewhat... quiet.

Three months ago when I first stepped into an obstetrician's office at the hospital, I was asked - just like everyone else is, I think - what my thoughts and hopes for the upcoming birth were. What kind of a birth was I wanting?

For a long while my answer was, "A safe one." At 20-something weeks it was really too early for me to be going into details on whether I wanted a Caesarean or a natural labour or whatever, because in the end, I simply wanted what was best, both for me and for that little bugger in my tummy, and I didn't know how it was going to play out yet. I didn't know if any of the complications of The Kid's birth were going to show up again, and if they did, what the implications would be, so all this talk on birth plans was, really, theory to me.

Now, at 37 weeks, we're talking practice. I have a much better understanding of what's happening to my body this time and because of that, I have much more specific wishes and ideas now. The first priority, to me, is still "a safe birth", so in that respect not much has changed because in the end, as long as we do our best and it all goes well, all is well.

But I do have a certain amount of... assertiveness piled up.

I told my midwife when I discussed my obstetric concerns - for lack of a better word - with her that I'm not after an "earth mama" experience, and neither am I dead set on doing a VBAC: disagreeing with an obstetrician is not a case of "taking a stand" for me.

Instead, it's a case of taking responsibility - both for my own health and wellbeing, and that of my child - and doing what makes sense to me.

I am still heading into this experience emotionally ready for an emergency Caesarean, if need be, or an induction, if need be, or an epidural, if need be - whatever needs doing, really, if need be, to get both this baby and me to the other side safely - and as long as we get there as such, I think it'll be a good experience. I am ready to assert myself, but I am also ready to simply play it by the ear and see how we go once we go there.

I think because of that, I am feeling rather calm and very supported. My midwife is there backing me regardless of how I choose, and The Man is there to help and back me regardless of how we go, and personally, I am ready for whatever happens because I know that I will simply do my best, whatever that best is, and the rest is just... life.

So, yeah, this is how I feel. Told you I didn't really know how to put it into words! =)

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