Rainy thoughts

It's been raining for several days now. Down on the flats it's probably not as bad, but up here we are often enveloped in a cloud, so even if it is not outright "raining" it is this white, humid fog of a cloud surrounding us, which makes it feel like the rain is just hanging in the air.

The grass hasn't dried for, oh, I don't know, over a week. Wet, sprinkly, damp... humidity.

I hate it, or maybe not quite "hate" it, but sure don't like it. The house feels cold, clothes hang heavy and toes take ages to warm up. A friend who came for a visit last week said that our house feels like one of those old farmhouses, where regardless of weather it is always just a little bit humid and, in winter, chilly - the sort of houses everyone used to live in thirty, fourty years ago. (At least in New Zealand.) Single glazing, breezy floorboards, jiggly doors - you probably know the sort of a house I'm talking about.

For a comparison, when I went to visit that friend a week earlier, I asked if she had a log burner going or a heat pump maybe, because it felt dry and warm, though the weather outside was rainy and cold -  and not surprisingly, she said no, no heating, just... a house. Ventilation, insulation, basic stuff.

On days like this I crave... friends; friends I can sit down with and just talk, heart to heart, about old stories and new stories and how these new stories fit with our old experiences.

I crave... company. Interaction. Smart, silly, challenging discussions. Another adult, basically!

And what I also do a lot of on days like this is think.

I keep re-playing our Dunedin-going story in my head and weighing it up against what my life is like here, and putting stuff on one side, and the other side, and then walking around with those imaginary scales, convincing myself that it's worth staying for another year, that Christchurch is worth sticking with.

It's... it's not my city. I'm not a Christchurch girl. Especially not a rurally living Christchurch girl!

Christchurch is so spread out, so isolated in a sense of pockets of houses, big lots, high fences, people driving such long distances from where they are sleeping to where they are working.

I was driving home yesterday from town and as I kept stopping at one traffic light, then another, then another, I said to The Man how I so wish Christchurch had "green lanes" where traffic lights are managed to get the traffic moving steadily and consistently, without constant stop-and-go which, on top of everything else, fills the air with exhaust fumes and in Christchurch, that stuff doesn't clear well, not in winter anyway.

The Man smirked and said I tell him that every time I drive. (Really? Do I?)

It made me wonder. How many things are there like that, where I keep thinking "I like this" or "I don't like this" on a daily basis, without realising that I'm doing it?

But most of all, I think I just need a sounding board on days like this, someone to bounce ideas off of - but instead, I am enveloped in a cloud.

1 comment:

  1. Oh man, I thought I was the only one who felt like that about Christchurch - and I'm from here! Although I have been away for ten years and returning from living in Sydney is a bit of a downer. This weather is enough to make anyone shed a few tears! Anyway I just wanted to say I really like your writing.