Another morning rant

I showed someone my middle finger yesterday and actually felt proud for having done so.

Look, I'm not an a$$hole generally speaking: I do swear somewhat freely, but usually it's to let out an emotion (for example, upon having dropped The Dog's raw chicken on the floor you'd probably catch me muttering, "Oh for f*ck's sake!") and not because I'm swearing at, you know, someone.

But this lady yesterday... I mean, geesh, I would've happily said a few things to her. At her!

You know when you're driving down a road and traffic is backed up across several intersections? Picture, say, Colombo street in Christchurch during morning rush hour. I'm pretty sure it's a legal requirement on top of just being a reasonable thing to do, but... even if the green light is on, if there is not enough space on the other side of the intersection to get the car off the intersection then instead of stopping in the middle of an intersection (where you'd end up blocking other traffic as soon as lights turn) you wait until traffic has moved and then drive over.

Easy. Reasonable. Considerate.

But this lady behind me, apparently, had other ideas. (Khm-khm... nitwit!)

I was stopped at an intersection, the green light was on. There wasn't enough space on the other side to get across so I waited, paying attention to traffic ahead, when suddenly a beat-up looking car behind me started honking its horn at me.

Beep! Beep! Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

"What? Where?" was my first reaction, quickly looking around to see if there was an ambulance wanting to get through or something, but no - it was just this woman waving her hands at me and honking. "Oh go... somewhere!" I muttered under my breath and started paying attention to traffic ahead of me again, whilst she was busy doing:

Beep! Beep! Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Then, just as I could see that cars were about to start moving ahead of me, I pushed on the accelerator gently to get the car rolling and... BEEEEEEEEEEP!

The f*cking woman's car was next to me!

There was no spare line for her to be in, so she was busy speeding around me - like, in the middle of an intersection - just as my car was moving across the intersection, too, and as she was doing that she, again, honked her horn.


I'm sorry, it's totally one of those blog posts where I am writing down a novel about an event that took less than 15 seconds in real life, but, geeesh!, I could've so easily chopped off this woman's head after that intersection there.

She was stuck behind me for another 20 seconds as we were driving in line of traffic down Colombo street and for about 10 consecutive seconds I held up my middle finger for her to see.

And, listen: I understand that sometimes there really is an emergency, say, someone's in labour and needs to be driven to hospital or something, and I do leave this woman here a bit of a doubt in case hers was an emergency also, but, look lady!, make your way around other traffic at intersections slowly then - carefully - and you may even put on your blinkers so that other people can see that something's up. And, for f*ck's sake, don't BEEEEEEP! at them like that!

Bot don't be an a$$hole, please, and then I won't be having to show you my middle finger through a rearview window, okay?


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