On feeling connected to humanity

I'm not sure if she knows about it - and even if she doesn't, she will after having read this - but this lady here is one of the major reasons why I've been holding on to my sanity this year. There are other things, of course, there always are, but she's one of them. A blessing in my life, really, along with the rest of the girls.

Here's the thing: every week I skip an evening of whatever's to be done at home and take off for a "girly night". Five or six or so of us meet, talk, craft - usually there's chocolate involved - and it's this... this...

I don't even know how to put it, really.

I've kept on moving over the past few years. Wanaka has been by far the longest stint, whole three years of it, but even in Wanaka I lived in five different places. Every time the same thing: new place, new people, new friends appear, relationships deepen and then, I move again. I have a whole inbox full of people I keep on revisiting on my computer screen and in my thoughts and in my dreams; so many friends that are scattered around the globe. It's lonely sometimes, and when it's hard it's lonelier still.

I've written about it before. I'll be writing about it in the future. I tend to repeat myself, a lot.

This group of women here I see on a weekly basis, it's just... it feels like it's keeping my feet on the ground. As anxious as I might've grown over the weekend thinking about things I want to do and about my book and about Antarctica and whatever, every Tuesday evening I feel like I get to plop right back onto ground again and I'm connected again. It's like every Tuesday I feel that I'm connected to people who feel connected to their whereabouts. Warm, stable people who laugh and who make me laugh.

Lunatics are awesome to learn about, and impressive to write about, but relationships with them run hot and get very exhausting very quickly, whereas this bunch of women are just... homes, families, children or, for heaven's sake, kitchen remodels and curtains and all that stuff I've never really been part of before.

I think it - the way I'm feeling - must have a lot to do with friends, how the connections I've made keep on staying back in places where after I've moved, people aren't physically accessible, say, for a cup of tea in the evening or an unplanned meet at some third person's party or whatever. I'm constantly a telephone or a computer screen away from people that matter. And feeling disconnected like that very quickly turns into feeling angsty, to me.

So whether she knows it or not, this lady here is most certainly one of the highlights of Christchurch to me. She's probably the sort of a person that when I do move again - and I have a feeling that I most likely will in a year's time or maybe two - I'll think about her often and smile, because she's one of those bright, memorable people that just ARE so goddamn cute. Cuddly. What's the word I'm looking for here?

Fab. I don't know, sorry, I'm really struggling with a suitable synonym to "wonderful" here.

And I just really wanted to write that. Thank you, Treena, and sorry if I've made you feel uncomfortable reading this. I wasn't meaning to, really.

=)

2 comments:

  1. *insert smile here* We love seeing you every week!!

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  2. You hit the nail on the head. She's SO awesome!!! I hear ya, she helps keep me sane too. :)

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