On not being pregnant

Disclaimer: I'll be writing about bodily functions here so if you're not interested, I suggest you skip right over.


I wrote a while ago about heart palpitations I've been having since last July, and dizzy spells. Well, now there's an addition of vertigo.

It's pretty confusing, really, because I'll be, say, sitting behind this kitchen table, feeding the kid some pasta and, whumph!, suddenly I observe myself leaning forward as if I'm about to fall onto the table because for that second or two, I simply haven't been feeling where my balance is and so I, literally, start toppling over. It's happened two times, once behind this table here and once whilst sitting on the floor playing with the dog, and both times it's been a second or two, meaning, I right myself, look around as if to say, wtf was that?, and then go on living my life.

F*cking weird.

Oh, and no period. Again.

If I didn't know any better I'd say I'm pregnant. (Last time I was pregant I stood up from the bed to go pee and woke up in a cupboard whilst The Man scrambled towards me with a frantic "ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?" because, hello!, I'd just passed out and fallen into a cupboard.) (And funnily enough, during pregnancy all sorts of sh*t like that gets bypassed with a simple nod of "Yeah, that happens" as in,

"I've been vomiting every day for two months." - "Yeah, that happens."
"I dislocated my hip." - "Yeah, that happens."
"My tailbone hurts so much I can't stand up from this sofa. I just crawled to bathroom to go pee." - "Yeah, that happens.")

But I know I'm not pregnant, so that's not it.

So... whatthehell!?


  1. Hi. One of my friends kept complaining about her body acting wrong and she was 100% sure that she is not pregnant ... Her son is two years old now and she and her husband still have no idea how it happened. (but they are very happy)

    But I think this is your hormones gone crazy and maybe - just maybe - some heart problem the doctors have not found yet. Been there, done that, got better.

  2. Hey Maria, I think you're probably pregnant. :)